Interview at the Wikipedia offices

A = Author (Interviewee)

W = Wikipedia (Interviewer)

A: Hi, I'm here for the interview for the site's open writing position.

W: Oh, we've been expecting you, please, come in.  Have a seat.

A: Wow, this place is great.. what a cool space!

W: Thanks, we just remodeled.  So, let's get started, shall we?  Why don't you start off by telling me a little about yourself.

A: Huh, well, I'm sort of a jack-of-all-trades I guess you could say.  I dab into a little of everything.  I enjoy sports, movies, geography, mountain biking, science, reading, history, reading history, and pop culture.... but mostly writing.

W: You sound well read and very articulate.  What is your level of education?

A: Well, I am a high school graduate with three semesters of community college under my belt.

W: That's fantastic!  So what have you written that I might have read?

A: Let's see...  You've heard of Cliff's Notes, right?

W: Of course!!  One of our favorites around here.  Anything else?

A: I have done some rewrites of the Bible, Torah, and Koran and I used to be a researcher for Ripley's Believe it or Not!...

W: Oh great stuff, that's just great!  Any media work or scientific journals... things like that? 

A: No, I sort of try to stay away from anything credible or that isn't truly bizarre.

W: I see.  So you know what we do here right?

A: Oh yeah, I think it's great.  Letting guys like me write anything we want and call it fact; then publish it without being screened for accuracy is great... and a great way to catch students plagiarizing on term papers, I might add ;)

W: Bingo!  And the best part is we're almost always right!  So, what are you looking for in terms of compensation for this job?

A: Oh, I'll do the job for free.

W: You're hired!  Now get to typing.

Three Days in April

Cards v. Cubs this weekend, and the heat was on, both literally and figuratively.  Kristen's sister and her fiance came into town on Friday night to stay with us.  Also, Justin and Lacey came in and they brought some friends from KC who are - oddly enough - Cubs fans (check the comments for THAT story).  They stayed with his mom, of course, we don't have the room for all those people...  We all had tickets to the game on Saturday; however, AND Ray was there with his bandmates, AND Weltigs sat with Justin, AND Kristen had a high school friend (who now lives here and is a Cards fan) that was at the game.... so Saturday was a nice showing and an all-around great day for a game.  Little warm, but that's to be expected.

First on Friday - Kristen picked up Jaime and Dan from the airport and they went to the mall and then back to our house.  They called me when they got there about 4:30pm and I left work to meet them.  Dan-o was a few beers deep by the time I got home, so I couldn't let him continue without his StL drinking partner!!!  So I popped a cold one as well.... happy hour!  We sat around for a while, answering trivia questions on "Cash Cab".  Then we decided to go to eat and I thought Three Monkeys would be a cool place to take them and we could watch the Cardinals beat on the Cubs.  Well, when we walked in there the tables near TVs were all full, so we thought we'd try a spot at the end of the bar, but it turned out not to be the right ambiance, so we jetted and headed to Columbo's instead.  Jaime commented that the hole-in-the-wall atmosphere was more her and Dan's speed, so we were pleased.  I had a Chicago-style Italian beef sandwich, which I thought was somewhat ironical.  After the Cards pulled it off in the 7th and held on to win the game, we headed back home.  A few more beers later, we decided to play Scrabble, since we're always playing WordScraper anyway on Facebook.  After I had to defend a few words that were in my Roget's dictionary, I ended up winning the game.  Dan and Jaimbo were good competition but I can't speak too much for Kristen who fell asleep halfway through the game and yelled at me when I (somewhat abruptly) woke her up.. haha!  I think we were all ready for bed after that.

Saturday we knew we wanted to get an early start, so after Jaime and Kristen took a jog and we all took showers (4 people, 1 shower, 4 different showering sessions) we hit the train headed for Busch Stadium.  We started at Paddy O's so we could have some cost-effective (sort of) beers and cost-effective (definitely!) food.  I had a burger AND a brat and they were both delicious.  Kristen's high school friend and Ray met us over there and we all walked into the game together.  At about the 4th inning when the game was really out of reach for the Cubs, Kristen and I went to visit Justin and his gang.  After getting yelled at a few times by the usher, we decided to just meet up and chat later.  Oh, and Albert Pujols hit a grand slam...

Afterwards we all met up at Hrabosky's and that was awesome!  Just a bunch of us hanging around, drinking, and having a fun time chatting.  After dark, Justin and the Weltig's had to leave to go eat, but the rest of us stayed and hit Paddy O's again.  A few more beers and a lot more amateur photography later, we caught a cab home.  I was in bed and asleep promptly upon our arrival, so I have no idea what the party did while I was out...

Sunday we woke up and went to our usual lunch spot when Jaime and Dan come to visit - Hacienda.  That place is so good and they love it too so its a win/win.  We went back home and watched a little of the Cardinals game - this one was not as good as the first two, so we watched the Bulls game instead.  Dropped those two off at the airport and headed to my sister's for my niece's birthday party.  We were a little late since we had entertaining the houseguests already planned for that afternoon, but we had time for cake and catching up with the family, so it worked out.

The weekend left me tired as shit, but I got a sweet sunburn on my ever-growing forehead so I was so hot that I had a hard time sleeping last night.  A little groggy still today, but I mustered up the energy to tell you all about it.

Given the gift of humility

Yesterday was Kristen's and my niece's birthday (29 and 2, respectively) .  I had some alone time this past weekend so I decided to go shopping for a present for Kristen.  She is not really all that difficult of a person to shop for, but I hate shopping so much that any person (including myself) is difficult to shop for.   And trust me, I was literally shopping...  I had some ideas of what she wanted (because I pressured her enough into telling me) so I at least knew where to go.  

Her sister and I both asked her what she'd like and she simultaneously sent us a list - a nice, concise list.  On that list were four things:  Chicago Cubs shirt and/or hat, DryFit running jacket, and earrings that wouldn't make her ears swell up like two strawberries - she called these "hypoallergenic".  Okay, easy peasy lemon squeezy... she's been talking about wanting a versatile pair of earrings that she can wear daily with anything and for any occasion.  Since there's no way in HELL I'd buy her Cubs gear, I thought I'd be a stud husband and go buy her a pair of earrings... so I headed to my least favorite place on the planet - the mall.  I should note that I didn't always hate the mall - Weltig and Justin and I used to go there all the time when we were teenagers.... fucking dorks!

Usually when I go to the Galleria it's with Kristen and she tortures me into going and then after about 5 minutes when I lose patience and start to get antsy in my pantsy, she lets us leave.  Any other time I have to go there I know exactly what I need and where to find it, so its a quick trip and doesn't bother me too badly.  This last time sucked though because I had to shop for a pair of earrings.  I walked very swiftly past a few of the jewelry stores because the sales are so high-pressure there and I get too flustered.  So then I got cold feet about the whole thing and called her sister to see what, if anything, she was going to buy off of "the list".  She said I would be good with getting either the earrings or the jacket, which was now my new backup plan should this whole adventure turn sour and I need to abort the mission.  

I walk into Macy's because I feel they may have what I'm looking for and the salespeople aren't as tenacious (that means "pushy", Jimi..haha).  So I walk around the jewelry counter and actually see several pairs of earrings that I like and I know Kris would like.  Luckily the one and only sales lady was helping another customer so I had time to collect my thoughts before she approached me.  When she came over, I had but one question for her:  "Do you have any earrings that are hypoallergenic?"  Well, she had but one answer for me, and it was at that moment that I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when the women and the boutique clothing store were rude to her.  She said, "No, all of our jewelry is 18k gold.... you can go look over there at the 'fashion jewelry' and the package will say something like, 'stainless steel' or 'hypoallergenic'."  "Great!" I thought as I walked away, thanking the lady for her time.  It wasn't until I got over there that I realized I had just learned a new term:  "fashion jewelry" which is retail speak for "cheap jewelry".   It was the kind of jewelry that hangs on those carousels with little plastic packaging and isn't even inside a case!!!  I looked for all of about 2 minutes at this crap before I left the mall with my tail between my legs.

I B-lined for Sports Authority and bought her the DryFit jacket.  I am a horrible gift-giver and probably a worse husband (sorry, dear) but the humiliation I suffered should be enough reparation.  :)

Happy Birthday, Kristen and Bella.  Love, Chris.

Dunkin' Donuts

No, this is not going to be an article about the chain of doughnut shops.  I can probably count on one hand how many times I've been to that place.  Instead I thought I'd write about doughnuts in general.  I had a few as a snack last night and my wife made fun of me... telling me they were a breakfast food.  Ohh, I beg to differ, sweetheart!  You can't pigeon-hole doughnuts like that!  They are a sugary, delicious treat, no matter the time of day which you are enjoying them.

So, the reason I used the title 'Dunkin Donuts' and I never eat doughnuts from there is:  I am definitely a dunker!  Whether it's the small kind (donettes) or a large doughnut I have to break into three pieces, a doughnut just isn't a doughnut for me unless I'm dunking it**.  My dunking medium of choice is milk... ice-cold milk.  I even have to pour a cup of milk and put it in the freezer for several minutes just until the point of frosting-over before I will even think about dunking a doughnut in there.  I know some people use coffee, and that sounds fine too, but I choose milk... every time.  Being that I am slightly lactose intolerant, I also have to take a dairy digestive supplement to help me get the milk through the old system.  So, back to the art of the dunk.  How I do it depends on the doughnut.  If its a mini (donette), I will take a bite first, then dunk the rest so the milk gets into the dough.  If its a larger doughnut, I will simply break it into pieces (usually 3) and dunk them individually.  Regardless of the size, the idea here is to get the milk in contact with the dough to moisturize it a little bit.  For optimum effectiveness, I will dunk the doughnut and then scoop some milk into it like I'm using the exposed end as a ladle.  Then I let some milk soak in and go back for another scoop....  what this does is it allows the milk to percolate down into the piece of doughnut and the whole thing fills with milk, providing a burst of deliciousness with each corresponding bite.  So, now you are a party to my technique - feel free to share yours, or your thoughts on mine.

Let's move on to the complaining portion of the article.  Why is it that we as a society had to shorten the word from doughnut to donut?  We totally isolated the whole meaning and intent of the word when we dropped the u-g-h.  It is fried dough, so why wouldn't we want to remember that?  Just typically American laziness.  This is also something that irks me about the names of doughnut establishments, such as 'Dunkin Donuts' or, well... all of them.  I get it, its cute, but it still irks me and I just had to share that.  Oh, I also hate when people pronounce it "dough-nit"... like "don't it"...  This drives me nuts (no pun intended).  It's "dough-NUT", with a U!!!  Misspelling and mispronunciation are pet peeves of mine.

** I should note, in the interests of full disclosure and honesty, that I will eat a Krispy Kreme sans milk because they are so soft and delicious already, they just don't require the help.

Transformers

Last night I watched the Michael Bay Blockbuster flick "Transformers".  Yeah I know, pretty rockin night for a 27-year-old right?  Oh well, I was all alone so I was having fun with it I guess.  Anyway, this was the second time I saw this movie.  The first time was with my buddy Justin who sat me down in front of his TV and forced it upon me.  He had seen it a few times prior and said it kicked ass and that I just had to watch it.  Knowing his previous track record of action movie watching (he LOVES them), I quietly obliged.  Justin has a big screen TV and surround sound, so the action part of the movie did not fail to disappoint.  After it was over, my reaction was pretty much, "Meh, that was okay I guess... the action and CGI are cool but the plot sucked.... oh and Megan Fox is not bad to look at for 2-1/2 hours."

About 20 years ago I used to be addicted to playing with my Transformers toys.  I had a bunch of them and it was so much fun to turn everyday human items like cars or boom-boxes into evil-fighting robots.  Of course I liked the Autobots and had them all, because I'm a fan of the good guys....  but again, of course, I had a few Decepticons that the good guys could beat up.  I am not unfamiliar with the plot of the toys and the later ensuing television cartoon, nor was I unaware of what to expect with this movie.  At first viewing, I simply was just of the opinion that it was very average because of the balance of what was good being good and what was bad being bad.

For some reason last night (probably because there wasn't much else on between hockey games) I saw this movie was starting and decided to give it another shot.  I watched the whole thing from beginning to end, without stopping (it was on HBO).  I watched it on my own big screen and with my own surround sound cranked up, so I knew I'd at least enjoy the action scenes.... OH, and I'd get a good look at Megan Fox!!!  So after the second time around I can honestly say that the plot wasn't as bad as how I originally judged.  There was a decent story buried in there that I overlooked when watching it at Justin's.  Perhaps it was because my full attention was not on it at Justin's (I was leaving to go back home that day) or because last night I was so tired from doing nothing and sitting inside sheltered from the rain all day, that anything would have entertained me...  

This phenomenon happens to me a lot with movies, however - mostly comedies (i.e. Anchorman, Napoleon Dynamite).  I watch it once and think, "What the hell?!  That wasn't as funny as everyone says!!"  Then I watch the movie another time or two and it gets better.  Maybe I pick up more, maybe I go into it with little to no anticipation as opposed to that first viewing.  I don't really know, all I know is that it happens.  Weird, huh?

PS- Movies that DID NOT fall under this phenomenon and that I thought were GREAT the first time, regardless of hype, were:  Superbad, Stepbrothers, Dumb and Dumber, Ace Ventura, and so on.

Opening Day

My regular summer softball league opens next week, on Wednesday.  The game is at 5:30 and I have a meeting until 6pm, so we're trying to get the other team to change the start time to 6pm so I don't miss half of the damn season opener... nevermind that.

Last night we all got together to get a little practice on - we had another team in the league agree to a friendly scrimmage.  Our team has a bit of a new look this year since we lost some players to another league and cancer in the off-season, so we wanted to see how we gel.  To be honest, it was a tad rocky.  The hitting started off slow, but ended up decent.  The infielding is where we need the most work.  There was a lack of communication, some confusion on who was the cutoff, some miscues at first base, and all-in-all just poor fielding.  The outfield looked pretty sharp.  The fields were a tad muddy/swampy, so it was hard to get a good read on hard liners, or just how we were going to look in general.  The fluidity was definitely there, though - no real lack of communication.  I usually play left field and have for the past 4 seasons, but I decided maybe we'd shake it up a bit and I would play more of a "roamer" position (or short outfielder... keep the jokes to yourselves), and I'd give someone else a crack at left field.  After the game, that guy came to me and said he didn't think left field would be for him, so in the regular season I will go back to my post.

As I said, the hitting started slow but ended up on point.  I felt really good because I have already taken a number of swings in the cages this spring thanks to my friend Jimi's persistence.  Also, one of my teammates came with a new composite bat, so that helped...  Jimi was probably the star of the hitting show, slamming back-to-back-to-back homers in all  three at bats.  Needless to say, the regulars were pretty impressed.  I hit a couple of doubles, so I was happy with that performance.  We have a few others that can hit, so as I said, this was looking promising for our next game - it's that defense we need to sharpen.

As for the new guys, I've already promoted Jimi enough, but it was funny when he asked Todd if he made first cuts, as if this were a tryout and his status on the team was in question.  Later, Todd jokingly said he was embarrassed because his hitting was off and Jimi probably thought he couldn't hit...  A lot of tongue-in-cheek and gentle ribbing, which is what this team is all about.  Now the other new guy we got - well, the jury is still out on him.  He demanded to play SS which is fine, but when it came down to brass tacks, he let a lot of easy grounders slip past.  He also had some poor throws to 1st base and cutoff our 2nd baseman as cutoff man when he should have been backing it up instead (i.e. I'd field the ball in the outfield, throw it into 2nd base, and he'd cut it off before it got to the bag - lapse in fundamental  judgement).  His hitting was okay though, but he showed a lack of effort in his base running, reminiscent of an arrogant individual.  We are doing the diplomatic thing and giving him another probationary shot at the position in a real-game situation, so he has one more chance to prove what his mouth preceded him verbally.

So I am really excited about this.  Softball is one of my favorite parts of the summer and I truly enjoy playing the game.  Hanging out with your buds and grabbing some cold ones afterwards isn't bad either...

Weekend Update

Friday was Brad Bierman's birthday so we went up to the bar at All-American to watch the Cardinals game and of course the Blues clinch their playoff berth.  This is now my new favorite sports bar to watch games - officially - so take note if ever in the future you want to watch a game with me.  We had some beers, enjoyed our home team victories, and did a few celebratory SoCo and Lime shots... delicious!  The party moved on, but the Jacksons and Weltigs headed home - the Weltigs have a child and one on the way and Skip-Dogg had an 8am meeting.

On Saturday morning I went to my meeting.  It ran 2 hours long and I was a little worried that I wouldn't make it to McDonald's for my breakfast... I made it by the skin of my teeth and enjoyed a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and hash brown.  After breakfast I sat outside and tied Jake to a tree so he could run around (but not run away), while I read a book.  I felt guilty not getting outside but I had nothing else to do, so this sufficed.  I had to change the oil in Kristen's car, so I headed to my mom's since she has a driveway and garage which works out perfect for DIY oil changes.  What also works out perfectly is that she orders me an Imo's Pizza almost every time I go over there.. not because I can't get it where I live, that's just how she rolls.  After leaving there I met up with Jimi to get some softball tosses in since the season starts this week.  We hit the batting cages also and I took 140 pitches... think 'm ready to go!!  I got home and Kristen and I decided to go to eat and just enjoy each other's company.  We ate Chinese at Pei Wei and it was delicious!!!  I can't wait to eat the leftovers tonight.  After dinner we went cosmic bowling in Clayton and that was a blast.  I was trying out a new spin technique that Justin taught me last time we went on Christmas Eve, so while I was working out the kinks, Kristen snuck up and beat me - mind you, neither of us broke 100...  *cough*.  We both improved in the second game, but to no avail for Kristen... I beat her in that one and also in our final game... sorry, babe!  I did roll out back to back 160-pointers, so that's tough to beat ;).

This morning I got up and made some breakfast.  I wanted to ride my bike even though it was chilly, so I decided to ride around my house.  Well, my trip ended up taking me from here to Carondelet Park and then back... it was a nice 12+ mile ride.  It was quite brisk, though...  Came home, cranked out a blog, and now we are headed to grandma's for Easter linner (combo lunch and dinner).

Pretty great weekend, really.

Parking Tickets

I got a parking ticket today.  It kinda sucks, but I get parking tickets ALL the time when I park in the city.  It's not that I don't know that I'm parking illegally, its just that I don't care.  Plus I think this City could use the extra revenue..haha!  Its not like I'm parking with half my car up on a curb or blocking fire hydrants and driveways, it is very menial parking violations.  I sometimes park in areas with strict meter enforcement, I don't feed it enough, and it expires.  That happens a lot outside of my building at work and it has happened a few times when meetings ran long downtown.  That really is the only time I get parking tickets, come to think of it - for expired meters.  But I let those bitches run dry quite often. 

Today my ticket was for parking on a street that had a sign about 10 cars down that read "No Parking, 2nd Wednesday of Month, 8am - Noon."  Okay, so it didn't actually read "No Parking," it had a 'P' in a circle and a line through it, but you all get what I mean.  I didn't see the sign at first when I was parking.  It wasn't until I got out of my car and saw all of the tickets already on other cars that I noticed the sign.  It was a little after 11:15am and all these cars already had been ticketed, so I said "Fuck it" (literally).  By the way, I was in the Central West End taking some photos for work which is why I left my car on the street today.  Well, the batteries died in my camera so I had to go back to the car to get some fresh ones...  This was only about 15 minutes into my visit, so I was still technically parked illegally.  When I get back there, I didn't have a ticket, so with only about a half an hour until parking was legal again and with no 'meter maid' in sight, I decided I would be fine and left my car there. 

Well I'll be dammed if when I returned to my car at about 12:15pm I didn't have a ticket.  The little piece of paper with the green bordering and its accompanying envelope were sitting there stuffed under my passenger-side windshield wiper.  It almost appeared as if they were laughing at me - mocking me for my lackadaisical attitude toward St. Louis City's parking regulations and its tenaciously annoying enforcement.  Also, the time stamp was 11:39am on the ticket, so not only did I just miss the little bastards, but they were issuing tickets 21 minutes before the sign expired...  Wow!  These people must really be proud of the way their lives turned out.  I couldn't think of any better satisfaction than landing an ignorant little 10$ ticket on an unsuspecting person's windshield when all they're trying to do is be productive and efficient with their work day.  I'm being sarcastic.  I guess I can flip that script and say I can't be angry with them because all they are trying to do is the exact same thing, so I'll just let it go...  still frustrating though.  You'd think after as many tickets as I've gotten and how often I continue to shake off the fines, that I wouldn't bitch to the extreme of posting on my blog.  Then again, if I didn't vent here, then I'd have nothing else for you guys to read today ;).

One last thing.  I was driving home from a meeting at the MO Botanical Garden last night and stumbled upon a car that had like 90 tickets on its windshield.  I think the coincidence of my ticket today is uncanny, but aside from that, this car just looked ridiculous with all those tickets... I mean, at what point does the City just decide to go ahead and tow it?  I was able to grab a photograph (I had to stop and back up in the street, so its not the best angle), so I thought I'd share it in this article... my apologies if it doesn't post.

Love and Marriage

This is a rebuttal to the 'Divorce' article.

Love is interesting.  Marriage is an enigma.  You grow up and probably never think too much about either (unless you're one of those girls.. haha) - until you're confronted with a situation that blasts one or the other in your face, in a good way.  In high school you maybe dated a few people, maybe a lot of people, or maybe none.  You cruise through those people without an inkling of where it will go, and namely, how it will end, which it inevitably does (except for those rare few...).  Along the way, you might fall in love once or twice.  You play this game even after graduating high school.  You play it in college, or if you're the promiscuous type, you don't.  You play this game into your 20s and even into your 30s, or maybe you don't.  Along this journey, you may just fall in love and you may just have found that certain someone.  You never really know.  Some people date for years and it ends.  Some people date for only months and decide there is no one else with which they'd rather be.  But once it gets into you, you know.

Personally, I have dated people in the past.  I have fallen in love.  Just as easily (and quickly,  relatively speaking), I have fallen out of love.  This happened twice.  I met Kristen and we started dating.  We never knew where it was going or how and/or if it would end.  She was in graduate school and we didn't know if it/I was just a fling...  The relationship prospered... three, four, five months.  We knew we were in love.  We shared and vocalized that emotion.  We dated several more years - we moved in together.  We lasted longer than any relationship I have ever had, by leaps and bounds.  I never knew what to expect at the outset of this endeavor, but I knew, when we surpassed that point, that something was different about this relationship and something was going to make it different and more prosperous than any of those before it...  At one point, I knew I'd marry this girl and spend the rest of my life with her.  

We have been married for over 5 months and together over 5 years.   We share a bond, an unspoken chemistry and harmony.  I am the yin, she the yang, or vice versa depending on your perspective and explanation of that analogy.  I knew she'd be the ONE, because I just DID.  When you get to that point, you know.  If you don't know, you're not to that point, and may never be.  But when you know, it is a cool instance of enlightenment - and the anticipation up to the point where you make that bond official is excruciating, in a good way.  

I am not the only one to experience this, not by a long shot.  Nor am I the only one of me I know.  Many of my friends and family have gone down the same path, and you can see it happen.  You know the people who are your friends.  You know their "type".  You know how they react and respond in a relationship.  You've seen them fail, you've seen them succeed.  You seen them fail once or maybe even twice, then they meet the right person and it becomes the most perfect match you can imagine - a Eureka! or Ah-ha! moment.  It has been fun for me to watch a majority of my friends meet and define an everlasting bond with their significant others.

This post isn't meant to be mushy, although I suppose it somewhat is.  Rather, it is meant to be a public service announcement to those of you who have been through this, are going through it, want to experience it, or are watching it unfold for someone you know.  In any instance, I hope this makes you think about those people, whoever they are, and appreciate how lucky, yes lucky, you and they are to be fortunate enough to find that one person that moves them or you in such a way that you both know you want to grow old together and share in good times and bad.

Tell someone you love them today.