Divorce

I recently found out that the parents of a good friend I had growing up are getting a divorce.  I guess this kind of shocked me because we were good friends and I was at his house almost everyday and I did so much stuff with his family that I never even could have imagined that they would end up in this position.  Then I started thinking about how the children must feel about this and how weird it is for them...  besides my old friend, they have another child - a daughter about 3 years younger.  These kids are all grown up and even the guy my age has a family, complete with a few kids of his own.  So, this couple are grandparents, making the whole thing even stranger and I'm sure harder to fathom for the immediate family.

My parents were divorced when I was two and I never saw my father again after I was four years old, so my parents' actual act of divorce had no real immediate effect on me (I resented my situation a few times growing up, but became a man myself too soon to care).  Now, since I was accustomed to a single-parent household most of my life, at least through the developmental years, I was effected in a much different way than I'm sure my old friend and his sister are going through with their situation.  For me, my mom being "it" was all I knew and I just dealt with "not having" a "dad".  When he died, about 3 years ago, I refused to go to the funeral.  I don't really make a habit out of attending funerals of people I don't know.  This really wasn't a chapter closing for me (although it was for my sister) because, and I'm not going to keep beating this drum, there was no basis on which to turn the page.

Flip back to my old friend.  All his life, his parents were happy.  And this wasn't a facade - these people truly loved and cared for each other.  Trust me, I was around a lot (his dad used to jokingly ask my mom for my SSN so he could claim me as a dependent).  So contrary to my situation where my parents just rushed themselves into a senseless marriage because they were young and horny, these two recently (or not-so-recently depending on who you ask) just fell out of love (?!?!).  Worst of all, their lost love is going to have an effect on a third generation of themselves in their grandchildren.  Imagine first of all being a person whose parents get divorced - devastating enough at any age (unless you're me, I guess).  Then imagine being a person whose grandparents get divorced while you are alive... this is almost unheard of!!!!  To have a relationship and marriage make it so far and accomplish so much, then get shattered while you're around to see it (see, I make this point because my children will technically have divorced grandparents, which isn't so odd, but it is if they were already born when it happened, see?).  

Anyway, my heart does go out to my old friend, his children, his sister, and the parent that didn't see this coming.  My guess is that the parent who initiated this disaster is going through some strange psychological period, such as a mid-life crisis.  It is inexcusable behavior and a damn shame, when you consider all of the lives that will be torn apart by the tragedy.  I only wish, for their sake, they'd have done it 25 years ago so maybe the "victims" would have some time to recover from the pain, and time enough to go on with their lives after it.