To Fold or To Crumple

If you are weak in the stomach or have just eaten, you may need to reconsider reading this post.

On the toilet, I am all business. That's why I am a "folder". No way will you ever catch me crumpling... too much can go wrong there. Plus its all about surface area and getting the job done - a task not to be left in the hands (no pun intended) of a few crumpled squares of T.P. I definitely fold, and usually more than once. I'll grab for about three squares minimum (per pass) and get at least two folds in there, providing an adequate barrier between my sensitive palm and....well... you know.

Also, as far as papers go, I am definitely a multi-ply man. A good two or three ply is well worth the splurge. I also prefer to go with a name brand, tried and true. Nothing is worse then the off-brand, schoolhouse quality sandpapers that these big box retailers are trying to push. Sorry, Target, sorry, Wal-Mart - thanks, but no thanks. I'll stick to my Charmin or Angel Soft and sleep comfortably at night knowing that my bum won't get ripped to shreds because not only is the texture of your tissue reminiscent of a nice 30-grit capable of smoothing over my weathered deck, but it also takes far too much waste to meet my requisite ply and folding technique - resulting in a wad that tests the flushing capacity of even the most efficient of "loos".

So that's pretty much all I had about that topic. I'm a folder... If you're a "crumpler", A) may god have mercy on your soul, and B) please be sure to wash your hands thoroughly before shaking mine, or touching anything in general. It only takes a few extra milliseconds to become a diligent folder (its pretty difficult to be a bad folder). So next time you're in there, give it a whack!